I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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