Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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