The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
