Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize