I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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