You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You can't just leave with hair like that
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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