I'm lost and stupid without you.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
