While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
