My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
