you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
