I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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