Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
