nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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