so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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