So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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