I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
