So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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