I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
