when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
