the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
