i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
