So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I have aggressive nipples.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
