I wanna bring you to show and tell
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
