I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
