i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
