I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
