peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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