Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
