Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Randomize
