Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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