No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
