Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
