i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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