just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
don't judge my taste in strippers
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
