It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
