I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
