i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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