Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
