i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you would pick up someone in the library
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
