I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
