Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
