I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
