I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Randomize
