i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
