In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
