is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
