I think I won the penis lottery.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
