Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
