We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
