It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
