I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
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