If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
