Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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