I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
