You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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