Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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