he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
