We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
The uberlube is also flammable
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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