So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
