As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
