Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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