...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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