you have to choose: penises or morals?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize