Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
