guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
