i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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