I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Even my vagina gasped.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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