my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
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