There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
