Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
