roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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