I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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