Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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