I should be sponsored by Trojan
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
