did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
