Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
