A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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