I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
