I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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