You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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