Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
