I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
