how can u be prego again
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize