WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
