belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
