I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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