after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
