He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
