dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
