hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Randomize
