I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize