your parents love me but you hate me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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