it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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