when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
