its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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