he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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