dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
