Sry I called you an 8
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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