There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize