her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I intend to get homeless drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
The air was thick with penises
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
