My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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