You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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