You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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