she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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